So...About Last Night....(D9 MA)

[Jyrvess Ertil]

Jyrvess leaned against the tree and stared out across the plains, beside her was a fading paint mark with smaller blaster scorches in and around it. She had redoubled her efforts to prepare for the raid later this evening. But something still wore away at her. So she had come out here to think, to try to work out if she could ever redeem herself.

Her datapad lay open, the smiling image of a middle aged man in Republic uniform with a young and laughing girl resting in his arms hands arms flung around his neck.

[Raven Cadera]

"I figured I'd find you here..." Raven's voice was soft as she saw and approached Jyrvess. Like yesterday for the lunch, she was going without her armor and helmet, preferring heavy clothing that still offered some protection. It was a getup that drew far less attention than the traditional armor and helm.

She stopped a few feet away from Jyrvess still, hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. "... You ok?"

[Jyrvess Ertil]

Jyrvess hadn't expected anyone, but perhaps she should have... Her arm came up to wipe away some tears.

"I'm... well not really but I can function." She offered the datapad. "That is my only remaining picture of him."

[Raven Cadera]

Raven tilted her head to the side as she looked at Jyrvess a good while before picking up the datapad.

"Your father?" she asked, looking thoughtfully at the image.

[Jyrvess Ertil]

She nods slowly letting the hand holding the datapad to drop to her side. "It's been over two years. And it still hurts like....I swallowed an iceberg. So cold it burns."

[Raven Cadera]

Raven stood silently and looked at the image, nodding to Jyrvess' words to show that she heard them. A part of her envied the other woman for having known her father so much longer than she had... but the rest felt only a kindred pain.

"I don't think the pain ever goes away." She sighed and shook her head, offering the datapad back to Jyrvess. "I'm... I'm sorry I shouted at you yesterday. It wasn't right."

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"I have been shouted at before. And you weren't exactly in the best state of mind." Jyrvess managed a weak smile.

"Hey...Raven do you think there was anything that man could have done to redeem himself?" She wiped away tears, "Or was he condemned eternally for his betrayal?"

[Raven Cadera]

A frown wasn't exactly the right word for her expression, as it seemed more like a pained grimace.

"... I don't know. Maybe?" Her eyes turned downward as she looked off to the side. "I just... he didn't even show any remorse for what he had done. Wasn't even trying to make up for it somehow. And that's what I just couldn't stand."

Her voice cracked for a moment as she spoke, as her feelings were still raw from last night. "A part of me didn't want to kill him. But the way... how he was trying to purchase his continued existence, it felt so wrong. So vile." Raven breathed deeply. "It disgusted me. And I was disgusted with myself for considering material worth over what he did to my family."

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"I see, there is hope then..." Jyrvess nodded, "I'm sorry for asking that question." She wrapped her arms around herself. "And for interfering with a personal matter. It's just your anger last night. The accusation levelled against him...it hit close to my own situation."

She squeezed herself tighter. "There was a file handed to me when I served the Empire. It was about a subversive. An officer who had begun to express dissent with the New Order."

She shook her head and sucked in a breath, trembling. "He was one who had remained in the army after the Clone Wars. A decorated war hero, popular with the army."

"I was asked for a plan of action. I suggested a covert assassination, blame it on Separatists."

Her eyes were on the ground, "One month later I was at father's funeral." She slides down the tree and finally gives voice to the pain. "I killed him. I didn't know...I blinded myself to the truth until it crushed me."

[Raven Cadera]

It was a pain Raven understood. Not completely similar, of course, but she understood. So with that understanding, she stepped closer to Jyrvess and put her hands on the shorter woman's shoulders.

Though instead of the usual pat or firm squeeze, Raven pulled her into a hug.

"You haven't lost your humanity, Jyv. You are not like that man yesterday. When I spoke to him, when I looked in his eyes, there was no remorse, no regret, no shame... you are not like that."

[Jyrvess Ertil]

Jyrvess was stunned at the hug...and someone affirming her humanity. The dam broke and over two years of fear, regret, guilt, and shame came pouring out. It was several minutes of tears before she finally, weakly pushed against Raven to signal she wished to be let go. Raven probably felt a dampness on her shoulder were Jyrvess's head had rested.

Her face was a mess, red, tear streaked, and with blood shot eyes. It took another few minutes of composing herself before she spoke again...."I'm sorry you had to see that, it was...a long time coming." She wipes her eyes and lets out something of a half laugh sob, then takes in a deep breath. "It...feels better to finally let it out."

[Raven Cadera]

Raven gave Jyvress one last squeeze before finally acquising to letting her go. As space was created between the two, Raven's eyes too seemed red and blurry.

"No need to apologise. It is a heavy burden you've had to carry, and that you still carry." She offered a half-hearted smile in return. "You haven't had anyone to trust in since then, have you?"

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"No. I was running, I thought it was from the Intelligence and ISB but it was from myself." She met Raven's eyes, "But now I do, comrades..." Jyrvess reached out to place a hand on Raven's shoulder. "And friends."

[Raven Cadera]

"You helped save my life, Jyv. I will never forget that and you may always call upon me - as an ally and a friend. You also helped my people reclaim a vital part of our history, which might very well change things for us... with our internal strifes."

The Empire had done a good job in dividing the Mandalorians.

"You've also been among the very few people I feel I can speak with about these... troubled pasts we have." Mandalorians weren't always the most supportive when it came to trauma or difficult feelings.

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"I just happened to have some information that helped your comrades," She replied sheepishly, "And much of the work on the second front was your own people's. But I am glad of my contribution all the same."

Jyrvess managed a weak smile, "I guess that is true...I won't tell any of your people you cried. Miss Raven has a reputation to keep after all."

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "And we both still have a root to our shared trauma." Her eyes instinctively turn upwards to the sky, and the Star Destroyer beyond it.

[Raven Cadera]

She managed a brief, dry laugh. "Yeah, my reputation as a badass warrior," she grinned and shook her head. "It's not that we don't share such, but... it is a private thing - what we share with those closest to us, such as family and partners." And the one she would've leaned on for support in a moment like that was currently unavailable. "With the ones we trust."

Following her gaze up, Raven took a moment of silence to look at the Star Destroyer. "Strange to think that so much tragedy can all be drawn to one thing. Like a... hm... catalyst, I believe is the word?"

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"That one thing spans the galaxy and destroyed more then our lives," The ice inside her was melting again, replaced with a fire, "And it will ruin more before we stop it." Her voice still cracked from her swirling emotions.

[Raven Cadera]

Looking back down at Jyvress, she chuckled. "See, this is why we like you, Jyv. You got fire, you got spirit. I think even Mand'alor would approve of you, even as an outsider, to work with us..." the smile faded a little, "though he's yet hesitant at committing to fighting the Empire."

"Perhaps that war basilisk will make him change his mind."

[Jyrvess Ertil]

"I'm not the best person to convince others of the need to fight," Jyrvess lowered her own gaze to look at Raven, "I'm not inspiring or eloquent or all that heroic." She bent down and picked up her datapad, the image of still on it. "That was my father, it's why the Empire wanted him dead. But I know better then anyone why the Empire must fall. I hope that will be enough."

"If your Mandalore will allow it I will be glad to tell him all the cruelties of the Empire and what I know of how they fight."

[Raven Cadera]

Raven put her hand up in a 'what can you do'-gesture. "I don't know his mind, to be honest. I think a lot of it is too that our group is still small, and he might be concerned with our survival as well, so that we're not a fire too quickly extinguished."

"But, the right tools, weapons, and knowledge, we can turn that. The biggest challenge with him is that he does not trust outsiders easily, but I think you might've impressed him last night. He let you accompany us inside the ruins, after all."